Monday, 10 September 2012

Today...

I visited my Dad yesterday. He has terminal cancer and though it is sad, he is not near dying anytime soon. He has been poorly recently due to infections in the fluid in his stomach and yes, we nearly lost him to that but he is still here today and I am grateful. 
I grew up without him and I got into contact after having my own daughter as I watched her relationship with her Daddy blossom and started to wonder where my own father was. 
To cut a very long story short, we made contact late 2010 and by May 2011, he was staying with us. He moved out early September 2011 and by mid-October we had the news that he had been hospitalised with cancer related complications and so the diagnosis was made.
I bring this up as his illness has been a source of my sadness for obvious reasons and nearly losing him brought up a lot of emotion. I didn't think I would lose him so soon after making that contact and it scared me to think I may not be able to talk to him about the lost years. If his illness/cancer is making any sense to me, it's that life is what you make it and I am making a bit of a pigs ear out of it at the moment. We have just had one of the best weekends in a long time, spending time together as the family unit I always craved, finishing with the visit to my Dad. I had a lot of thinking space as hubby took over toddler watching duty and I know I want to conquer my body issues now.
I have re-opened my profile on 'MyFitnessPal' and am updating my food and exercise. I want to get back into 'Zumba' as I have the DVD boxset with the toning sticks. LO starts nursery next week and I want to use the 2 1/2 hrs she is there to get exercise/shopping/housework in and spend the afternoons doing stuff with the babes rather than worrying about them. All the good intentions in the world will not help me on a bad day but I had a good 6 weeks of 'bad' days so I think I need to get my head out the sand and get on with it.


Thursday, 6 September 2012

bring on the rain & Christmas!

The metro has been out of service for 28 long days. I walk into town but I like to venture out once a week to a different place and today I went to Wallsend to The X-Catalogue shop as they had some funky wellies in the Royal Quays store which were also for wider feet. I was going to settle for a black pair but the Wallsend held a wider selection and I found some in black with silver stars! Definitely my style and am now looking forward to the rain so I can have a legitimate reason to wear them.
OMG my tattoos, clothes and now my shoes adorned with stars!!!

I was also drawn to local pound shop that was closing down with a half price sale. I got drawn by the idea of the usual tatt only being 50p but this turned out to not be the case. Still I got some fake flowers in the sitting room colour scheme I am slowly implementing, a cooking spoon holder (one of those pointless kitchen things but I have wanted one for ages), a Christmas tree skirt and stickers for the window.


I love Christmas though this year and every one since last year (2011) will be different as the babies birthday falls just over a week before so I feel more of a need to make a fuss so to mark the 2 events as separate occasions. I will hold back from decorating the house till the day after though I think the 20th may be better. Aw well shops are starting to fill the seasonal aisle with decorations and sweet selection boxes. I noted that our local Oxfam had them up as early as 31st August, well they were lit up yesterday. Just looked daft.

Anyway I am really pleased as I love the Harry Potter books and films and had asked hubby for the accompanying book 'The Tales of Beedle The Bard' for my birthday. Well looking for books for the LO in a charity shop I found not one but TWO copies of it for under £1! I am beyond happy as I saw a copy online for £14 which I would have paid. Feel like my HP series is complete now.

I also found a copy of 'Politically Correct Bedtime Stories' which should please my hubby no end. I like niche books like this though I was bemused to find it in the kids section though I suppose that's what it sounds like.

I'm terrible for charity shops especially where books are concerned. I think I'll have to trim my own collection to either donate or store till we get more bookshelves.

Monday, 3 September 2012

if you're about to eat you may want to skip this one!

I have been away too long, been pottering about the house, trying to get into some order where I can function and clean it everyday and not undertake mahoosive clearouts. It's a work in progress.
I woke today in a better physical state than I have in ages, silly me been overdoing it with the sugar and been scaring myself silly with symptom checkers and seeing I could have Diabetes. Though I know it was down to the sugar intake, I don't want to end up injecting myself daily so I need to cut back and stop with the everyday binges :/
That out the way, I had an bizarre dream/nightmare last night. I can't define as a dream or nightmare, as it neither delighted or scared me, but anyways, I needed the loo and entered a run of the mill shop/school toilet and all the toilets were overflowing with some disgusting of human waste. I entered the last one which was clean and woke up. Looking on the internet (really I should be banned from doing so!) and it turns out I am stressed (duh!) with the toilets representing the release I desire, but the overflow situation representing the stress I have. I also woke needing the loo so that could be it too. I love symbolism in dreams but I am glad it was 4am, as just before breakfast would've put me off (not such a bad thing?).
Been catching up with my crochet too and have updated my craft blog. I enjoy crochet as it does act as great destresser, especially in the evenings when the babes are tucked up in bed.
I am taking heed the hubbys advice. I have been trying to burn the candles at both ends with getting up early with the babes and going to bed rather late. Not a happy mummy that doth make. I am going to work back to getting into bed for about 10pm each night. It sounds so early but I can't keep up with this as it is, besides I need to get up early for the pre-school morning run. That's right the older babe is starting next week. I cannot wait, I think she'll get alot out of it and I can plan fun things to do in the afternoon. I hope to do any shopping I need to do whilst she is there as I do dread these trips at the moment. The younger babe is at that cute either sleep or chatting age so passersby think she's lush. It's bittersweet as I miss that about the older babe, she was such a cute baby with her curly hair and blue eyes. She still has these features but with a cheeky demeanour to go with and if someone comments, she'll answer back with some 'smart' answer or squeeze her eyes shut. Am working on her behaviour and the way I cope with it too. It's challenging but I knew parenting wasn't going to be a picnic.
Oh well, better get ready and face the crowds in search of some shoes for the older babe.
Talk soon x