Sunday, 21 October 2012

Am working on...

Diet wise have been lax but am starting to cut stuff out. I have been tasking myself with sorting out things I haven't been dealing with but have been whining about for too long. Firstly was our finances. We tend to bury our heads in the sand and not think about money too much, only to spend it on junk food. Well it came to a head when of course rent was due and we had...not enough to cover it. I mean literally we had the money in our wallet/purse and £15 in the bank once we had transferred over some money from my single account (i'm not even sure why this is still open but I may close once we're sorted!).
It was scary as I realised that without the help from MIL we would be without basic food (it was a Friday when hubby got paid and we had no money after the rent had gone!). It was the wake-up call we needed so since then we have been trying to stick to buying basics i.e. food and nappies and budgeting for the 'luxuries' in life. The good news being that I have worked out it would take 3 1/2 months of 'scrimping' to get us to a comfortable place. The bad news; Car tax renewal, MOT, Christmas and babies 1st birthday are fast approaching. So the deal is to watch what we are spending and once Christmas is done, we'll see where we are and go from there. 
Am hoping we're in the black or v.close to being so. It would be great to get to hubbies birthday/fathers day and spoil him a bit, he does work hard to provide for us. Well he works a job he loathes so we can live as we do.
My 2 year plan is beginning to take shape, there are a list of things I want to have done before my 30th birthday and the getting back2black plan is top. It does weight heavily on my mind and I was losing sleep prior to sitting down and working out the sums.
If you ever find yourself in a similar place, get yourself a writing book, probably an A4 size as this allows for 30-31 lines for each day of the month, make columns for Date; Incoming; Outgoing; & Balance. Go through all your direct debits/standing orders and see where your money is going there. Make sure you are covering the important ones; rent/mortgage, utility bills and loans/credit cards, than add food shopping and if you have one, car maintenance. Lastly make sure you factor in for extras. I used the fact that the book would allow me to make 2 pages of these, side by side (if you skipped the first page) and I did my predicted sums on one side and have been adding the actual sums on the other. That way I can see where the money is going potentially on unneeded items.
I admit this is in it's infant stage, but so far it has deterred me from withdrawing money or putting shopping on the card. I have allowed £50 a week for food shopping but it's been a bit rubbish this week as we are still recovering from the week before and alot of the staples we stocked up on had gone. Hopefully it will take shape over the coming weeks and we'll work towards getting a healthier bank balance as well as a healthier waistline. It has been a revelation to walk into a shop with a list of items and walk out with the items and nothing extra, though I am missing my magazines but admittedly am grateful they are no longer cluttering the house.
That has been another revelation; the house has been benefiting from not having 'extra' money, as I haven't been able to buy swarms of magazines so have been reading the ones I have got, then recycling them and have been sorting through the scary unopened bank statements stowed away. Now we are taking charge of them, it's not so scary, mostly I have been shredding them as they are useless as we won't applying for any loans for a long while and even then that will be a mortgage. 
Aw yes the mortgage talk, I brought this up with hubby as I mused that we would have to live like this if we ever wanted to save for a mortgage so it is a tester run for that too. 
My only fear atm is that something big needs replacing on the car and it'll knock the hard saving I have back but I am allowing for this, so hoping it won't be too bad. The rest, apart from our beds and kids furniture is the landlords or covered by insurance so it maybe the car that does it. 

Monday, 10 September 2012


I visited my Dad yesterday. He has terminal cancer and though it is sad, he is not near dying anytime soon. He has been poorly recently due to infections in the fluid in his stomach and yes, we nearly lost him to that but he is still here today and I am grateful. 
I grew up without him and I got into contact after having my own daughter as I watched her relationship with her Daddy blossom and started to wonder where my own father was. 
To cut a very long story short, we made contact late 2010 and by May 2011, he was staying with us. He moved out early September 2011 and by mid-October we had the news that he had been hospitalised with cancer related complications and so the diagnosis was made.
I bring this up as his illness has been a source of my sadness for obvious reasons and nearly losing him brought up a lot of emotion. I didn't think I would lose him so soon after making that contact and it scared me to think I may not be able to talk to him about the lost years. If his illness/cancer is making any sense to me, it's that life is what you make it and I am making a bit of a pigs ear out of it at the moment. We have just had one of the best weekends in a long time, spending time together as the family unit I always craved, finishing with the visit to my Dad. I had a lot of thinking space as hubby took over toddler watching duty and I know I want to conquer my body issues now.
I have re-opened my profile on 'MyFitnessPal' and am updating my food and exercise. I want to get back into 'Zumba' as I have the DVD boxset with the toning sticks. LO starts nursery next week and I want to use the 2 1/2 hrs she is there to get exercise/shopping/housework in and spend the afternoons doing stuff with the babes rather than worrying about them. All the good intentions in the world will not help me on a bad day but I had a good 6 weeks of 'bad' days so I think I need to get my head out the sand and get on with it.

Thursday, 6 September 2012

bring on the rain & Christmas!

The metro has been out of service for 28 long days. I walk into town but I like to venture out once a week to a different place and today I went to Wallsend to The X-Catalogue shop as they had some funky wellies in the Royal Quays store which were also for wider feet. I was going to settle for a black pair but the Wallsend held a wider selection and I found some in black with silver stars! Definitely my style and am now looking forward to the rain so I can have a legitimate reason to wear them.
OMG my tattoos, clothes and now my shoes adorned with stars!!!

I was also drawn to local pound shop that was closing down with a half price sale. I got drawn by the idea of the usual tatt only being 50p but this turned out to not be the case. Still I got some fake flowers in the sitting room colour scheme I am slowly implementing, a cooking spoon holder (one of those pointless kitchen things but I have wanted one for ages), a Christmas tree skirt and stickers for the window.

I love Christmas though this year and every one since last year (2011) will be different as the babies birthday falls just over a week before so I feel more of a need to make a fuss so to mark the 2 events as separate occasions. I will hold back from decorating the house till the day after though I think the 20th may be better. Aw well shops are starting to fill the seasonal aisle with decorations and sweet selection boxes. I noted that our local Oxfam had them up as early as 31st August, well they were lit up yesterday. Just looked daft.

Anyway I am really pleased as I love the Harry Potter books and films and had asked hubby for the accompanying book 'The Tales of Beedle The Bard' for my birthday. Well looking for books for the LO in a charity shop I found not one but TWO copies of it for under £1! I am beyond happy as I saw a copy online for £14 which I would have paid. Feel like my HP series is complete now.

I also found a copy of 'Politically Correct Bedtime Stories' which should please my hubby no end. I like niche books like this though I was bemused to find it in the kids section though I suppose that's what it sounds like.

I'm terrible for charity shops especially where books are concerned. I think I'll have to trim my own collection to either donate or store till we get more bookshelves.

Monday, 3 September 2012

if you're about to eat you may want to skip this one!

I have been away too long, been pottering about the house, trying to get into some order where I can function and clean it everyday and not undertake mahoosive clearouts. It's a work in progress.
I woke today in a better physical state than I have in ages, silly me been overdoing it with the sugar and been scaring myself silly with symptom checkers and seeing I could have Diabetes. Though I know it was down to the sugar intake, I don't want to end up injecting myself daily so I need to cut back and stop with the everyday binges :/
That out the way, I had an bizarre dream/nightmare last night. I can't define as a dream or nightmare, as it neither delighted or scared me, but anyways, I needed the loo and entered a run of the mill shop/school toilet and all the toilets were overflowing with some disgusting of human waste. I entered the last one which was clean and woke up. Looking on the internet (really I should be banned from doing so!) and it turns out I am stressed (duh!) with the toilets representing the release I desire, but the overflow situation representing the stress I have. I also woke needing the loo so that could be it too. I love symbolism in dreams but I am glad it was 4am, as just before breakfast would've put me off (not such a bad thing?).
Been catching up with my crochet too and have updated my craft blog. I enjoy crochet as it does act as great destresser, especially in the evenings when the babes are tucked up in bed.
I am taking heed the hubbys advice. I have been trying to burn the candles at both ends with getting up early with the babes and going to bed rather late. Not a happy mummy that doth make. I am going to work back to getting into bed for about 10pm each night. It sounds so early but I can't keep up with this as it is, besides I need to get up early for the pre-school morning run. That's right the older babe is starting next week. I cannot wait, I think she'll get alot out of it and I can plan fun things to do in the afternoon. I hope to do any shopping I need to do whilst she is there as I do dread these trips at the moment. The younger babe is at that cute either sleep or chatting age so passersby think she's lush. It's bittersweet as I miss that about the older babe, she was such a cute baby with her curly hair and blue eyes. She still has these features but with a cheeky demeanour to go with and if someone comments, she'll answer back with some 'smart' answer or squeeze her eyes shut. Am working on her behaviour and the way I cope with it too. It's challenging but I knew parenting wasn't going to be a picnic.
Oh well, better get ready and face the crowds in search of some shoes for the older babe.
Talk soon x

Saturday, 2 June 2012

making life a bit more interesting

So I am materialistic. I have thought if I ever needed to make a quick getaway, I would be torn as to what to grab.
I try to have a sort-out every 2-3 months which coincide with our house inspections. I can be a bit of a hoarder, collecting things like books, magazines, bags and so on, but I try to reign myself in by getting rid where I can.
At the moment with the weather being nice enough (some days) to put washing out, I noticed I was favouring a lot of black and when I looked at my wardrobe as a whole, accessories, I wouldn't have looked out of place at a funeral.
Now I am trying to shift my every day patterns about to accommodate going out each day (hey I admit I have days where i do the minimal housework and hang about in the sitting room with the babes or on the PC). I dress my babes in bright girly colours and than myself in drab black. What I am hoping to achieve is to blend in, what I am doing is probably making myself more noticeable. Black is a draining colour and I don't go out of my way to get a tan. Plus with the summer coming it does get hot attracting the sun rays with the darkest colour in the spectrum. 

So I am starting to change my wardrobe about. As I am losing weight again, I don't want to spend alot so i have been charity shop hunting and bought a spotty cardigan which is main colour off white with pink, lilac and purple polka dots all over and I wear that most days over a top. The bag I purchased the other day as become my arm candy, though not a big fan of short handled bags, it is big enough to accommodate my essentials.

Now I have been wanting to update the babes changing bag. The one we had was a freebie you get through the 'Bounty packs'. This one was the one from when the 1st babe came along. I considered getting or making a messenger style bag but yesterday whilst in my local supermarket I spotted a lovely floral changing bag with red tubing, lining and straps. Now true it is black as a main colour, however the white flowers make it seem brighter and the red details just finish off the effect nicely. It came with a detachable strap to help it hang over the pram handles and a changing mat and clear bag with a zip so I thought I'd store the creams and gels I seem to have accumulated. It may be wise to put some antiseptic wipes and plasters in there too. Hmm.

I keep admiring the bag, as I have said I do love a nice bag and didn't even think about it but now it's here, it matches my umbrella I bought the other day to both appease the babe and to have a functioning brolly in the house. Our one before has been relegated to keeping the sitting room door shut at night when the cat is about as the latch has never 'caught' in the door and so it can be pushed open.

My quest to 'brighten' up my everyday life is getting there and I can feel my spirits being lifted, just wish I could extend it to decorating. I got a fab decor idea for the older babes room which I hope she will love, but I don't want to do it here only to have to do it all over again if we move next year.
So now of course I am left the dilemma of having lots of black items becoming dust collectors and not a charity bag in site. Typical.

Thursday, 31 May 2012


Say what you like about them but I do love a good charity shop. And having daughters who love being read too, they are brilliant for updating the library as I do get bored of the same ones, though I know repetition is good for them.
I do like getting bags and books for myself and bought a pink mock crocodile one for £4 & 'The Witches' for £1.95 which I watched the other day and I realised I hadn't read. Bit a stroke of luck for both really.
Actually I do well with them as I usually have something I would like to have and I can usually get it or something very similar.
I actually try not to buy books new as if I wait a few weeks a copy will appear in my local charity shop. I actually dropped a few books off in one today as I have read or no longer want them in my collection. I do like to have a clear out of books clothes etc every few months and the bags you get through the door usually end up full of them. Just doing my bit, one bag at a time.

Mirena week 5 1/2

Well I've had a rough weekend with my 2 babes but I felt a bit bloated and emotional yesterday and true to form woke up and had some spotting. I have had a few PMT niggles but none that sent me to the paracetamol.
I guess my body is still adjusting to the hormones so I won't know how it's going to be after 6 months.
Hubby has said he can feel something when we're fooling around and it stings so as I have my 6 week check appointment at the end of the week I'll mention it and see if trimming them makes a difference.

Monday, 21 May 2012

Mirena week 4

So I realise this is a bit late but here is my update. The backache l had seems to be related to bad sleeping positions.
No other symptoms to name. If anything, I feel alot better about myself, though I am eating alot better at the moment, dropping 10lbs in 2 weeks.
This is exactly what I need, no remembering to take pills at same time every day and weight loss via a healthy diet as mood swings seem to have calmed down. I have the odd outburst but it sends me reaching for the kettle, rather than
the chocs and biscuits.
Am hoping it continues.

The passing of Robin Gibb

I had been keeping up with the news on Mr. Gibb, as not only was he the same age as my father, he was battling a similar cancer and am deeply saddened to wake up to the news he has passed on.
It brings home the reality that my own Dad is in fact as immortal as the next man. If a rich superstar who can avoid the best care cannot beat the big C, what hope do I have for a man on his pension, relying on the NHS. Though he reassures me the hospital treating him specalises in stomach cancers.
Thing is I only got into contact with him at the end of 2010 after his 22yr absence from my and my siblings lives. We met last year and he lived with us for a few months until the council rehoused him. It was soon after this that he was hospitalised with stomach cramps so bad they immobilised him, than came the diagnosis.
It seemed such a cruel twist to our story and I felt like I should've got in contact sooner. I still have these crushing moments of sadness when I think of the lost years. And than mourn the ones that we should still have. Not living in the moment at all but this is so new to me and now it feels more than ever that time is truly running out.

Saturday, 12 May 2012

What sunny days mean to me

When we were younger, I bet a sunny day meant t-shirts, shorts and plenty of fresh air. I lived outdoors during the summer, if we had one, I would have slept in a tent.
These days a sunny day still means getting outside, but mainly so my girls can benefit from thr vitamin D. It always means putting a load or 3 of washing on so I can benefit from having lots of clean dry washing rather than a basket of dirty washing making it look as though I haven't done anything with my days. Feels like I've had a weekend off though as we went to visit family Thursday afternoon and I didn't do much yesterday on account of my back, though I kept up the washing up and cooking, all done in my pyjamas (cringe).
No today I'm going to get out early, get some food shopping in than the day is ours, so we might end up on a mini adventure, so sunshine please stick around.

Friday, 11 May 2012

Mirena Coil Wk 3

ISo am suffering from a backache and hip pain. I normally associate both with pms if it comes on unexpectedly but as I had an hrs snooze on the uncomfy sofa yesterday morning, am hoping it's that.
I'm controlling pain with paracetamol as I'm nursing the lo so can't/don't wanna take anything stronger.
Other than the back pain not really experiencing anything else. My moodiness is much more level, my appetite is better; though to be fair I am trying to eat better anyway, but I'm not diving into the fridge every hour looking for a chocolate fix, or filling up on biscuits. No spotting since the initial fitting which is a plus as I was worried there would be.
Hopefully the backache will pass soon, though I do have my 6 wk check at the end of the month. If it's still bothering us, I'll talk about see if it is related to the coil. I really hope it isn't.

Thursday, 10 May 2012

Mr Rant

Grr men. I love my hubby to the moon and back, sometimes he can make me wanna throw that length. Yesterday he told me he would need a bill with his name on it.
See the word told not asked. So dutifully I just hunted out a bill to fit the purpose and informed him of so. Do I get a thanks or even a grunt of graditude, nah just a verbal gesture of 'well done' (yeah he couldn't be assed to say that, though that would've come across as sarcastic).
I dunno sometimes he is so old for his age with his views and tastes. Oh well least he hasn't chained me to the kitchen sink...yet.

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Whitening toothpaste

I'm a bit of a sucker when it comes to beauty/health products and I recently bought some whitening toothpaste and I'm fairly disappointed with the results. I wasn't expecting a hollywood smile but something different to my usual choice would've been nice. I drink coffee everyday, one cup, non-smoker but I have off white teeth nonetheless.
I brush twice a day after breakfast (after my coffee) and before bed. The toothpaste claims to give results after 14 days but today is the 14th and I can't see much difference. Alas I'll persevere with it but unless I see some whitening I'll be going back to my usual tube.

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

The perils of private rent

So we made the rookie mistake of having a baby before we'd planted our own roots, so now we're at the mercy of a private landlord who wants to sell the property eventually.
Today was the 3 monthly check we endure as per our contract, though to be honest, I wish they would change it to 6 monthly.
I get so upright when I know they are coming up and still find myself cleaning with minutes to spare. I.have a clean house, but tidy, not always and these checks although to make sure you haven't painted the walls black I'm sure, feel like a judgement on my part. Like someone is judging my cleaning.
I'm sure that's not the case, ok well hopefully anyway. Not that it's that bad. But I know something will be mentioned, always is. It's a shame as we would love to have the chance to make some changes but we don't have the money to decorate a house that could be sold from under us.
Hopefully things will improve, who knows we might have a lottery win, but than pigs might fly.
No we're kind of stuck here till this time next year, maybe we'll get the money for another rental, one where we can make some changes within reason of course.

Sunday, 6 May 2012

Weight loss tools

By a happy accident, I added an app on my phone where you can record your calorie intake and exercise for each day. I say happy accident, as it was I came across the app whilst looking for a calorie counter. I woke up this morning with an overwhelming want to write down what I eat as I know it had fine awry lately and although writing it down maybe a deterrent in itself, I was curious to know how many calories I consume. I've watched a TV program over the years where they pit an unhealthy underweight diet against an unhealthy overweight diet and I've always wondered what my diet breaks down too.
So I begin. I put in the previous days food so I could get an approximate look at a typical days consumption rather than the half scared approach of not eating that many squares of chocolate as I have to record it. I mean I shouldn't be surprised, you don't get to my size eating healthily but it was still astounding.
I'm disgusted that I eat the way I do especially when I have 2 young girls to run around after, 1 of whom is old enough to pick up on habits good or bad. I always felt my weight and eating habits were my problem. Not anymore, and I've started to worry I'll get health issues that they'll have to help me with. That's not the life I want for them our me.
So today I haven't been perfect but knowing I would be trying to be as precise as possible with recording has pushed me to question how much I wanted that snack.
It's a work in progress though as I'll need to do some food swapping and get some more low cal snacks in and stop buying chocolate biscuits and milk chocolate for that matter.
One other event breathing down my neck is taking my oldest to pre-school this coming September and the overwhelming feeling that I don't want to be the fat mum at the gates. Of course it's only 4 months away so I need to get my act together to make some sizeable dent in the scales. I probably won't be near target, however if I stick to it, I'll least be able to hold my head high knowing I'm doing something about it.
I don't want my high bmi to be an issue in conversation or any future pregnancies. I'll never be or want to be anything but curvy but smaller clothes are top of my list.
Thing is family and friends have heard this all before so I keep getting those knowing looks but I'm ready to make some changes.

Thursday, 3 May 2012

Mirena Coil wk 2

I am trying to be honest about my experience with this form of contraception as I have seen some negative experiences dominating the internet.
So this week I haven't had the added hormones from the mini pill and I feel all the better for it.
I had noticed my moodiness, more prominent in the mornings than other time. I could've blamed the fact on being a mother of a new baby but she is an excellent sleeper, settling for around 8:30pm each night and waking around 6am. No I definitely felt something else was to blame and since I took the pill every night, it made sense that it could be to blame. In the last week I have felt more with it in the am, going without my usual nap having fed the baby.
That's not to say I haven't been tired but it's not so bad. I've been able to do more in the evening too whereas before I'd just plonk myself in front of the telly now I want to do other things.
I'm really hoping this is the turnaround I have been needing as I like productive me.
I haven't noticed any negative side effects yet. I have had lower back niggles like I'd get with pms and maybe boobs have been a bit achey but nothing I can't live with.
Mr hasn't noticed anything since either during martial relations (tee hee) so that is reassuring.
I really hope this lasts for the 5 years as stipulated by the manufacturers. I really don't want to take any more pills and hope to live out this age gap between babies as I really think next one will be last as selfish as it sounds I don't know if I can repeat pregnancy and birth too many times, especially since it'll probably be another C-section which though had no complications during was a pain to recover from with 2 babes let alone 3. I would love to have 4 though. We'll see.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Phone apps

Mr has treated himself to an iPhone so I have inherited his 'old' phone which isn't actually isn't that old really. So now I'm discovering the joy of 'apps'.
Like the 'Harry Potter' books, I been a bit behind the times with getting into them. My old phone could get apps but they were very basic.
Think I'll be lost in technology for a few days, especially since all the things I would normally use the PC for, I have as an app. Oh well, will save tears from the baby as can do things whilst breast feeding.
Welcome to the 21st century.

Friday, 27 April 2012

I'm just having a bad day...(rant)

It was decided what seems a long time ago now that I would stay at home and look after our 1st. It is a decision I sometimes dither over even now though more to do with finances than looking after a child. 
Now of course we have had another and it is a challenge sometimes to complete tasks without taking part in a tea party where plastic cake is thrust upon you and you're expected to chump on merrily or a colouring book waiting to be coloured and read like a storybook (come on woman you're a mother now, you have to master the art of story telling!).
I am the 1st to admit I'm not perfect, the TV is on all day, blaring out various cartoons, I don't always get dressed in the mornings, afternoons and sometimes realise Mr. is due home in 10 mins and I haven't even dressed. I mean I dress the baby, & the tot, though as the tot is potty-training, it mostly consists of a dress to cover her modesty, should someone come round.
I've never been one for everydaybad day housework, back when we flat bound and childless I would clean the whole flat in an afternoon (usually a Sunday), once a week. Now of course I vacuum the sitting room often and not 10 mins later it looks the same, I start washing up only to have to abandon it not halfway through & as for the clothes washing, it's rare it gets hung up to dry soon after the machine is done, unless the items are essential.
I am starting to wonder if I should do it after the babes are tucked up for the night. I know it makes sense, stop battling the babes in order to get 5 mins of essentials done, just need the motivation. More often than not I can be found camping out on the sofa or hopefully here, trying to multitask feeding with keeping up with some form of the outside world (even if it is celebrity gossip). 
I know, I had these babes, I should quit complaining, I just thought I was the exception, that I would manage to do it all & still hold it together. Guess I'm still learning, though I will say I do check my babes before I sleep and I am always grateful that they are there, sound asleep, we got through another day.

Thursday, 26 April 2012

Mirena Coil...1 week on

So far, so good, having some slight spotting over last 3 days but not worried. Last day today of taking with mini-pill so will see how I feel next week. The Dr who fitted the coil advised I take the remaining tablets both to cover contraception (even though leaflet says it is effective right away) and to avoid having a period whilst body is adjusting.
In that respect I don't know the full extent as to how the coil is affecting my hormones and thus my moods. I do struggle first thing in the morning no matter how much sleep I get and this is heightened whilst taking the pill. Whilst pregnant with my 2nd, once the nausea had passed I was raring to go, now I'm grouchy and shout at anything. Not good. I'm not hoping for miracles but the Dr advised it would mean less hormones are in my body as they don't have to travel so far.
I can't really add more except Mr said he felt it when we first had sex after the fitting. I explained he may have felt the threads, and they take a few days to soften. My libido seems to be making a return, though nothing to shout home about. I think the hormones may be clashing inside. I'm a stickler for taking things when I am told so I will take this last pill later but I won't miss feeling like an android taking it at same time every day. Oh well bottoms up and I'll keep you posted.

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Congrats SEB

just read a comment on a news website re the news Sophie Ellis Bexter having another boy (her third) & said comment stated 'Congratulations, but three boys. You gotta feel for her poor love. Fingers crossed for a girl next time' - wtf do people find it necessary to say that??? I got this when we found out about our 2nd being a girl...I wasn't disappointed than and I'm definitely not now!

This is SEB 1st full-term pregnancy too, she had her first 2 8 & 9 weeks early, so I should imagine she's over the moon, whether said baby would've been male, female, pink, orange or blue...

My goodness some people really need to think before they say anything. Maybe I should follow suit but it really does make my blood boil!

Friday, 20 April 2012

Mirena Coil

So since the Mr. and I have decided not to have any more babies for a long while, I wanted something contraception wise that would be long-term and so opted for the Mirena Coil.
I made the mistake of reading about others experiences with it once fitted and almost backed out, alas it is in place and so far the worst I have experienced are period-type pains I would normally get on the first day of a period anyway.
It is a last contraception try for me, am sick of hormones raging round my body and the last pill I took (the mini-pill that you take same time everyday, no break) made me moody, I had an increased appetite and I was tired.
I'm not hoping for miracles but at least to have some control over when I next have a baby. Both of our babes were planned though obviously their birth dates were decided on when they were conceived. We just went with pot luck.
I want some time out not to enjoy them, watch them grow into little girls and decide if we want to try for another. Right now I am in a mixed mind as to whether I even want another one. I love babies but I would like a career and am almost convinced midwifery is the way forward. This is another reason I wanted long-term contraception; there shouldn't be any surprises, that way I could once lil' one is attending pre-school look into doing a course or what have you to start up this career. It may mean putting off the next baby or having them sooner, maybe after lil' one has started pre-school? Who knows, I do know I will look into trying for a boy. I know it's a bit sad and if we didn't have a boy it would be really disappointing (though not really), I want to at least give it a shot. 
Another reason I would like a sizeable gap is having 2 babes close together though lined with amazing good points, is hard work at times. Especially when deciding who to pick-up first when both are crying. I do get a lot of 'mothers guilt', maybe I wouldn't be human if I didn't but I just want to enjoy these two for now, especially since the next one will probably be the last. I think I can wait a lil' while to experience it all over again.

Mothers guilt

Oh my gosh! I am feeling a bit of a rubbish mother atm and it is all because bubz has developed a flat head!
Seemingly the 'professionals' will blame this on baby being left for hours on end on her back, in a bouncy chair or cot or even a car seat. I blame the fact that she sleeps through the night (heaven forbid), on her back so therefore has the back of her head resting against a firm mattress. She is never in her chair at home for long, though admittedly spends time in her car seat, though as soon as we have reached our destination I take her out, or use the pushchair part for longer journeys.
I am distressed at the realisation I could have probably done more earlier on to prevent this from developing, alas I have the ability to see the future...
My older daughter also developed the condition, again she slept through the night, however she was a colicky baby and spent most of her infant life in my arms. She is now 2 1/2 and the flat head that plagued her early months, disappeared once she started spending more time sitting or crawling.
Therefore my feelings of inadequacy are being fired by the celebrities currently bragging about how they wore their babies on their body during those early months and therefore have a stronger relationship with them. It seems the fashion is swinging to Africa where mothers wear their babies all day, co-sleep and don't have them in nappies, thus potty training them sooner.
As I am potty-training my oldest atm, I do feel as though I am undoing some of the work we are trying to instill on her by putting the youngest into nappies. When she asks about why lil' one wears them, I tell her the age-old 'Because you're a big girl, and she's a baby'.
Yet again though, I feel like I am somehow cheating her?

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

2 yr wedding anniversary

How life does a turnaround in as little as 24 months! 6 months after marrying we moved into our current home, a privately rented 3 bed end terrace. We have our own drive and back garden though being that the landlord wants to sell in the future, we are reluctant to change much so the garden has stones instead of a lawn which is a shame.
I wasn't in touch with my Dad and I was up-set he wasn't at my wedding. A month after moving in here, I managed by chance to get in touch with him via the internet. He has since moved into the area and I enjoy regular contact with him.
Then of course is our 2nd baby. We decided to start trying on our 1st wedding anniversary and got caught straight away. A calm and content baby, she has been a breath of fresh air. Her older sister was a very colicky baby and would scream into the night till she passed out, whereas I have managed to regain my evenings since around 2-3 weeks. I'm sure she will have a rough time with teething but we are more mentally prepared, plus not so sleep deprived this time round.
Am hoping for different things next year. This year, we have just resigned for another 12 months in this house so we just want to see out our oldest' 3rd birthday, starting nursery, babies 1st birthday and Christmas, then hopefully we may be able to look into a move where we can decorate, do more with the garden and enjoy it more as our home. Fingers crossed.